But then I knew that it wasn’t going to be, didn’t I? Of course I did! That’s one of the numero uno reasons why I never WANTED a wedding. I don’t like stress, I don’t believe in doing things “for the sake of doing them”, and if I can actively avoid making myself feel uncomfortable, then I usually will. But then my perspective changed (“no! Your “big day” doesn’t have to be boring, complicated and serious, in fact, it could actually be one of the best days of your LIFE!”), and here I am, suddenly less than 11 months away from having my own ceremony. But I’m starting to feel slightly unhinged.
For starters, no-one warns you that setting a date – and then asking people to attend said date – can dredge up some reasonably shitty, gee-I-didn’t-know-YOU-were-there insecurities. “They haven’t responded to your invitation because they don’t care about you,” that hideous, negative inner voice whispers to you at 3.00AM (you know, the same one that tells you that your thighs look enormous in that beautiful dress when they 110% don’t, or that you’re never going to be okay again – when you absolutely will – after a traumatic event? Yeah. THAT jerk). “NOBODY cares about you,” it continues. “Haven’t you realised that by now? Oh, and by the way, your nose looks HUGE today! Alright… I’m out. But don’t worry; I’ll be back to torment you laaateeer!” It doesn’t matter that the logical part of your brain knows that you’re being ridiculous – “you’re being fucking ridiculous” I say to myself 50 times a day – those anxieties still like to pop in and say hello.
And then there’s the “helpful” suggestions you begin to receive. I’ve edited the words on the following conversation slightly (definitely not for worse!), but here’s one of the generally negative, not-particularly-kind comments that have come my way:
Person: “You’ll need to organise bus transport from 7.00PM – and maybe every subsequent hour after that – so that people can leave your wedding early.”
Me: “1) 7.00PM onwards?! For a 3PM wedding, where dinner alone won’t be served until 6.30PM? 2)“7.00PM” and “every subsequent hour”? Who is going to be paying for all of these buses?! 3) Who leaves a wedding at 7.00PM?!” Seriously, have you ever been to a late afternoon/evening wedding where someone has left at 7.00PM? Have you ever left a wedding at 7.00PM?! Help me RHONDA!
If the self-doubts and outside opinions weren’t enough to contend with, there’s also the stress of organising the actual event itself. Three vendors – one venue, and two caterers – have replied to our initial enquiries with “well seeing as there’s only 11 months (only?!) until the event, you’ll need to confirm your booking now, and pay your deposit no later than the end of this month.” Y-i-k-e-s.
A photographer that I contacted asked what my hopes for our celebration were. “For everyone to enjoy themselves,” I wrote back. Because to Casey and I, this isn’t just about us. It’s about thanking the people closest to us for being a part of our lives. We want to entertain, surprise, delight and honour them. We want them to have fun. (Because honestly, what’s the point of doing something like this – or most things, really – if it’s not about having fun?!)
Everything’s going to work out, isn’t it? And if not, well… at least there’ll be pizza!
(Image credit: 1.)